Thursday, June 29, 2006

seeing fireworks

11 THINGS: SEEING FIREWORKS

Thursday, June 29, 2006

1. At Aquatic Park/Fort Mason Center/Pier 39/Pier 45: Especially if the city is hot/sweaty/balmy/calm.

2. From Coit Tower/Telegraph Hill: A great vantage point to see many displays simultaneously. Digital artists Ben Wood and David Mark will also be projecting 200 years of San Francisco history on the face of Coit Tower at 9:30 p.m.

3. On Treasure Island: Particularly if you own a car or know someone who lives there. If you can't drive, take the Muni 108 bus (which departs every 20 minutes or so from San Francisco's Transbay Terminal).

4. Elsewhere around the Bay Area: In Benicia, Berkeley, Half Moon Bay, Morgan Hill, Napa, Palo Alto, Redwood City, Santa Rosa, Sausalito, Suisun City, Sunnyvale, Vallejo and many many others.

5. With the entire family: At the Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View (with the San Francisco Symphony), the U.S.S. Hornet (at Pier 3 in Alameda), Paramount's Great America (in Santa Clara) or Six Flags Marine World (in Vallejo).

6. On the water: Via the Angel Island/Tiburon ferry, FDR's Presidential Yacht Potomac, the Red and White ferry, the Blue and Gold ferry, the Balclutha or Eureka (at Maritime National Historical Park) or on a kayak while paddling the Embarcadero or Oakland's Arrowhead Marsh.

7. In a dank Mission alleyway: But only if the fireworks are yours and consist primarily of M-80s.

8. In your stomach: After consuming a large bowl of hot and sour soup at Firecracker, 1007 1/2 Valencia St. Call (415) 642-3470 for reservations.

9. On your sofa with the remote: Especially if the summer fog has rolled in.

10. In Japanese: While watching the "Beat" Takeshi film "Hanabi" (which translates to "Fireworks").

11. With your eyes shut: While kissing someone.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/06/29/NSGUUJKIV231.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

Thursday, June 22, 2006

gay pride

11 Things: To know about Gay Pride

Thursday, June 22, 2006

1. Why is there a celebration? To commemorate the rebellion of Stonewall Inn patrons in New York City's Greenwich Village in response to a routine police raid on June 27, 1969. Visit www.sfpride.org to learn more.

2. What's the basic premise? That people should be proud of who they are, sexual diversity is a gift and sexual orientation and gender identity are inherent and can't be altered.

3. What's the parade like? Imagine Carnaval, Mardi Gras, Good Vibrations, smiles, fun, dancing, music and laughter all rolled into one.

4. Where can I park? Pretty much nowhere. Take BART or Muni (or ride your bike).

5. Why so much skin? Because people like to let their hair down, and their shirts, and their pants ... OK, stop right there.

6. What are the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence perpetually indulging? You'll have to visit one of the many underground parties in the Castro on Pink Saturday to find out. Start at www.thesisters.org.

7. Why does Kansas sometimes get upset? Because San Francisco is "that Oz just over the rainbow" -- and because it's probably 100 degrees and humid in Kansas right now.

8. Who was Fernando Lamas? A famous Argentine actor and director (1915-1982) made even more famous by Billy Crystal's SNL character in the mid-1980s: "Saludos, my dahlings, and you know who you are! C'mon, let's mingle ... So nice to see you. Throw your hips into the air ... Like Cyd Charisse and Fred Astaire ... Let's crazy romance!!!"

9. Why was CNN's Anderson Cooper interviewing Mayor Gavin Newsom live from S.F. last week? Can't remember exactly. But I have to admit they looked mahhhvelous.

10. What's the definition of metrosexual? Not entirely certain, but Cooper interviewing Newsom clearly has something to do with it.

11. Am I gay? I'm straight, actually (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Email Tim Sullivan at tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/06/22/NSGLSJGLTR1.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

jesus cries when you touch yourself

Thursday, June 15, 2006

father's day gifts to avoid

11 THINGS: Father's Day Gifts to avoid

Thursday, June 15, 2006

1. Old Spice You want dad to smell halfway decent ... and mom fully concurs.

2. A tie Yes ... I'm asking that you use at least one creative brain cell this Sunday. Just one. OK ... maybe two.

3. A case of cheap beer You might personally embrace Pabst Blue Ribbon, Tecate or Brew 102 like there's no tomorrow, but that doesn't mean dad does -- unless, of course he does -- in which case, get him a case.

4. A 2006 calendar It's June ... would you really consider buying him half of something?

5. Post-its, batteries, paper clips, Sharpies or Wite-Out Yes, even dad is pretty damn certain you stole these items from work.

6. A Dodgers, Angels or Yankees cap I'm going out on a limb here and assuming you love your dad.

7. Ann Coulter's new book Unless, of course, dad lives in a cave ... then it's perfectly acceptable.

8. The "American Beauty" DVD Great film, not such a great Father's Day gift.

9. The White Album The thought of dad sitting there listening to "Revolution No. 9," "Helter Skelter" or "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" on Father's Day is, quite simply, too strange to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate to contemplate ... Stick with "Rubber Soul," "Revolver" or a different band entirely.

10. Viagra If an explanation is needed or you still have doubts after four hours, please use the gift money you just saved to consult with a psychiatrist.

11. A heart attack Don't announce you're dropping out of college, don't show him your blog (or newspaper column), don't tell him you completely failed your Economics 101 final, don't tell him you eloped, don't tell him you crashed the family car last night, don't discuss politics ... and, above all else, don't sleep until noon! Get up and give him a hug already ... and then get out there and mow the lawn.

He'll appreciate it more than you know.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/06/15/NSGPSJABKT1.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

Thursday, June 08, 2006

surviving summer jobs

11 THINGS: Surviving Summer Jobs

Thursday, June 8, 2006

1. Flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant Bring your own lunch ... eat it on way to work ... use entire lunch break to frantically search for another job.

2. Typing in Mom or Dad's office Learn to type ... with at least two fingers ... ask for handsome raise on second day of work ... if parents balk, threaten to strike.

3. Shagging balls at the local driving range Put on world's largest helmet ... stay out of mud when shagging ... run in opposite direction after randomly driving balls onto nearby freeway.

4. Scooping ice cream at Baskin-Robbins Before sampling all 31 flavors on your very first morning, be sure you have decent health insurance.

5. Mowing lawns or lifeguarding Wear plenty of sunscreen (preferably SPF60 or higher). Understand that this advice has nothing to do with Kurt Vonnegut.

6. DJing at a local radio station Always play: "Summer Lovin' " (Vandals version), Frank Sinatra's "Summer Wind" (with volume maxed out), the Go-Go's "We Got the Beat," Petula Clark's "Downtown," Donovan's "Sunshine Superman" and the Ramones' "Rockaway Beach" ... Never play: anything by Bryan Adams.

7. Waitering / Waitressing Great service = great tips ... bad service = bad tips ... large parties + declining math skills often = crazy wonderful tips.

8. Collecting bridge tolls Crank Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden ... especially when large trucks go by ... know that it's OK if you don't say hi to every single person who goes by.

9. Working at the local movie theater Implore management to slash prices in half and do away with all pre-movie advertising smarminess ... try not to think too much about the popcorn butter.

10. Driving a taxi or limo Look in mirror ... note that you're not a race car driver ... try not to give passengers heart attacks ... never ask passengers for directions.

11. President of the United States Admit that the war in Iraq is a complete failure based on a lie ... accept own resignation.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/06/08/NSGGPJ600P1.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

Thursday, June 01, 2006

new summer / old school

11 THINGS: NEW SUMMER / OLD SCHOOL

Thursday, June 1, 2006

1. Hank Williams III: June 8. Frenetic hellbilly punk from the grandson of the country legend. $22.50. The Fillmore, 1805 Fillmore St. (415) 346-6000. www.thefillmore.com.

2. Echo & the Bunnymen: June 10. Playing the main stage with a few other "newer bands" at this year's Live 105 BFD. $31.50-$49.50. Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View. (650) 967-3000. www.shorelineamp.com.

3. Stiff Little Fingers: June 16. "The Irish Clash!!!" ... 'nough said. $20. Slim's, 333 11th St. (415) 255-0333. www.slims-sf.com.

4. Kool Keith / Dr. Octagon: June 17. "The Real Black Elvis Himselvis!" $15. The Mezzanine, 444 Jessie St. (415) 625-8880. www.mezzaninesf.com.

5. The Reverend Horton Heat: July 5. Psychobilly/rockabilly fun with the Reverend. $8. The Blank Club, 44 S. Almaden Blvd., San Jose. (408) 292-5265. www.blankclub.com. (Also at Bimbo's, July 8).

6. Joan Jett & the Blackhearts: July 8. "I love rock 'n' roll ... and I love Joan Jett!!!" (performing with 45,342,478 other bands on this summer's Warped Tour). $29.99. Piers 30/32, Embarcadero and Main. (415) 421-8497. www.warpedtour.com.

7. Greg Graffin: July 17. Punk polemics from your favorite "21st Century Digital Boy." $13-$15. Great American Music Hall, 859 O'Farrell St. (415) 885-0750. www.gamh.com.

8. The Avengers: July 21. "It's the American in me that makes me ..." go to this show. $12. Cafe Du Nord, 2170 Market St. (415) 861-5016. www.cafedunord.com.

9. Ween: July 22. "Push the little daisies" with Dean and Gene! (with awesome opening acts: the Flaming Lips and the Go! Team). $41.50. The Greek Theatre, UC Berkeley. (510) 548-3010. www.apeconcerts.com.

10. Buzzcocks: July 27. Concise bitterness from Manchester's pop punk originals. $20. Mezzanine, 444 Jessie St. (415) 625-8880. www.mezzaninesf.com.

11. The Adolescents: Aug. 16. O.C. punk's not dead! $12. Bottom of the Hill, 1233 17th St. (415) 621-4455. www.bottomofthehill.com.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/06/01/NSG2SJ31IQ1.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle