dog days of summer

11 Things: Dog days of summer

Thursday, August 23, 2007

1. "Bulldog Front" (Fugazi, "13 Songs")

"My analysis: it's time to harvest the crust from your eyes ..."

Theme: General awareness.
Dedicated to: Generals (and the general population).

2. "Bulldog Skin" (Guided by Voices, "Mag Earwhig!")

"I heard the sound of certain trouble on the way ..."

Theme: General toughness.
Dedicated to: Anyone (who's ever been picked on).

3. "Dogs" (Pink Floyd, "Animals")

"And after a while, you can work on points for style/ Like the club tie, and the firm handshake/ A certain look in the eye and an easy smile ..."

Theme: General management.
Dedicated to: Suits (and ties).

4. "Dog Eat Dog" (AC/DC, "Let There Be Rock")

"It's a lie/ That's the truth ..."

Theme: General competition.
Dedicated to: A time when rock ROCKED (and Bon Scott).

5. "Too Many Puppies" (Primus, "Frizzle Fry")

"Too many puppies with guns in their hands/ Too many puppies in foreign lands ..."

Theme: General insanity.
Dedicated to: El Sobrante.

6. "Jingle of a Dog's Collar" (Butthole Surfers, "Electriclarryland")

"What do they know about love ..."

Theme: General addiction.
Dedicated to: Dedication.

7. "Hair of the Dog" (Bauhaus, "Mask")

"The man who was merciless tortured by thoughts/ Kept on thinking/ The man who was crippled with concern/ Kept on caring ..."

Theme: Genuine conundrums.
Dedicated to: Writers (who write to stop writing).

8. "Black Dog" (Led Zeppelin, "Led Zeppelin IV")

"Didn't take too long 'fore I found out/ What people mean by down and out ..."

Theme: General desperation.
Dedicated to: Lez Zeppelin (and Dread Zeppelin).

9. "I Wanna Be Your Dog" (The Stooges, "The Stooges")

"And now I'm ready to close my mind/ And now I'm ready to feel your hand ..."

Theme: Generally can't explain it here.
Dedicated to: Lovers (and dog lovers).

10. "Rain Dogs" (Tom Waits, "Rain Dogs")

"Inside a broken clock, splashing the wine with all the rain dogs/ Taxi, we'd rather walk, huddle a doorway with the rain dogs ..."

Theme: Genuinely (lost).
Dedicated to: Being (found).

11. "Hound Dog" (Elvis Presley, B-side of "Don't Be Cruel")

"Ya, they said you was high classed/ well, that was just a lie ..."

Theme: Genuine blues.
Dedicated to: The hound dogs who were about to write (and tell me all about Big Mama Thornton, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller).

-Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/08/23/NSDIRLUHU.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

comments on commenting

11 THINGS: Comments on commenting

Thursday, August 16, 2007

1. Too few: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? - Bishop George Berkeley

Comment: It does.

Comment on comment: Doesn't it?

2. Too many: "A point of view can be a dangerous luxury when substituted for insight and understanding." - Marshall McLuhan

Comment: Then again, there's really no such thing as too many ...

Comment on comment: unless they're all coming from the same person.

3. Anonymous: "The lowest form of cowardly behavior is the negative anonymous commenter. Even Hitler put his name next to his f--up beliefs." - Tony Pierce, blogger, editor of LAist.

Comment: Perhaps ...

Comment on comment: but we still think chicken hawks are lower.

4. Repeat: "If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play and Z keeping your mouth shut." - Albert Einstein

Comment: "Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." - Jimi Hendrix

Comment on comment: Wisdom listens to Hendrix.

5. Love: "I know there's a place you walked/ Where love falls from the trees/ My heart is like a broken cup/ I only feel right on my knees."

Comment: "Who Are You?"

Comment on comment: The Who.

6. Hate: "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." - Hermann Hesse

Comment: "Hell is other people." - Sartre

Comment on comment: "If you don't have anything nice to say ..." - Mom

7. Invisible: "No man ever steps in the same river twice." - Heraclitus

Comment: Be patient.

Comment on comment: Duplicate comments are more annoying than none.

8. Deleted: "I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." - Xenocrates

Comment: I've often regretted both.

Comment on comment: Think before you type.

9. ALL CAPS: "What about ALL CAPS? People tell me to stop doing that, but I talk in ALL CAPS. Why wouldn't I type in ALL CAPS, because it looks more like it's chiseled in stone that way?" - Stephen Colbert (chatting with author Will Schwalbe)

Comment: CAPS are like honking ...

Comment on comment: and about as useful.

10. Allowing links: "A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn." - Dave Barry

Comment: "A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction." - J.G. Ballard

Comment on comment: We prefer to not go extinct.

11. Comment on Comments on Commenting: "Hi."

Comment: Please feel free to.

Comment on comment: Please feel free to do that too.

-Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/08/15/NSAORI9RO.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

studies have shown

11 Things: Studies have shown

Thursday, August 9, 2007

1. People have sex because it feels good

Later studies showed:

We eat because we're hungry.

We sleep because we're tired.

We dress because we need pockets.

2. Gambling is addictive

We're willing to bet the studies are wrong, but first:

Can we borrow some money?

Can we borrow a little more?

OK ... just a little bit more?

3. People want more public services but don't want to pay for them

Follow-up studies confirmed that people also want:

A bigger piece of the pie.

To have their cake and eat it too.

To live the good life.

4. People like to complain about traffic

Further studies revealed that Americans:

Drive large vehicles.

Make oil companies rich.

Don't realize nobody can hear them when they scream inside their cars.

5. Men talk as much as women

Additional studies suggested that:

Men and women disagree with this assessment.

Men and women disagree that they disagree.

Men and women disagree on a good time to discuss this disagreement.

6. Venting of problems can depress girls further

Further studies alluded to the fact that:

Further venting leads to further depression about venting.

Further depression leads to further venting about depression.

It depresses guys further too, but only if they listen.

7. Sex trafficking is spreading HIV

Further studies indicated that STDs:

Are transmitted.

Are transmitted via sex.

Are diseases.

8. A happy workplace leads to more productivity

Too bad:

There's no such thing.

Now stop reading this and ...

Get back to work.

9. There's too much celebrity coverage

Yet:

Celebrity coverage continues to be popular.

Celebrities are covered because they're celebrities.

They're celebrities because they're covered.

10. The word gullibility is not in the dictionary

I checked:

It wasn't.

See?

Exactly.

11. Studies show many things

Further studies:

Verified this.

Contradicted this.

Clearly demonstrated that further studies will be needed.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/08/09/NSL5RDNK8.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

chasing chasing

11 Things: Chasing Chasing

Thursday, August 2, 2007

1. Kids

Kids chasing caterpillars.

Kids catching caterpillars.

Caterpillars releasing butterflies.

Kids chasing butterflies chasing kids.

2. Cats

Kitties chasing tails.

Kitties catching tails.

Kitties releasing tails.

Kitties chasing tails chasing kitties.

3. Games

Barry chasing HR record.*

Barry catching HR record.*

Bud Selig releasing awkward statement.*

Someone else chasing Barry chasing HR record.*

4. Love

People chasing people.

People catching people.

People releasing hormones.

People chasing people chasing people.

5. Cops

Police chasing thieves.

Police catching thieves.


D.A. releasing thieves.

Police chasing thieves chasing police.

6. Transportation

Commuters chasing Muni.

Commuters catching Muni.

Commuters releasing frustration.

Commuters chasing taxis chasing commuters.

7. Film

Bullitt chasing hit men.

Bullitt catching hit men.

Explosions releasing explosions.

Bullitt chasing hit men chasing Bullitt.

8. Politics

America chasing bin Laden.

America catching Hussein.

Noose releasing Hussein.

America chasing amnesia chasing America.

9. Truth

Reporters chasing stories.

Reporters catching stories.

Government not releasing facts.

Reporters chasing government chasing reporters.

10. Words

Writers chasing dreams.

Writers catching dreams.

Reality releasing screams.

Reality chasing writers chasing dreams.

11. Life

Mortality chasing people.

Mortality catching people.

Mortality releasing people.

Adults chasing kids chasing adults.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/08/02/NSQORAUN22.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle