rube waddell

11 Things: Rube Waddell

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Rube Waddell is Freddi "Mahatma Boom Boom" Price, Kirk "Captain Feedback" Lombard, Larry "Reverend Wupass" Henderson and Max "A.Million" Baloian - men bold enough to play anywhere, playful enough to be eccentric, eccentric enough to be crazy and crazy enough to share the following words with us:

1. The man: In 1903, Rube Waddell won 22 games for the Philadelphia Athletics, logged 302 strikeouts, wrestled alligators in the off-season, played left end for the Business Men's Rugby Football Club of Grand Rapids, Mich., starred in a play called "The Stain of Guilt," courted, married and separated from May Wynne Skinner of Massachusetts, played marbles with kids, saved a drowning woman, did cartwheels to the mound, accidentally shot a friend through the hand and was bitten by a lion.

2. The band: In 1996, Rube Waddell began playing "Live at Leeds" in front of the (now gone) Leeds Shoe Store at 22nd and Mission.

3. The music: Rube Waddell is "The Three Penny Opera" interpreted by George Jones, Harry Partch and Little Walter after a three-day binge on rye whiskey and monkey face eel.

4. The freshness: Rube Waddell smells better than most bands.

5. The effect: When Rube Waddell passes by, rivers flow backward, clouds vomit burning sulfur, engines cease to function and birds become incontinent with fear.

6. The provocation: Rube Waddell can outwrestle, outfish, outpitch, outdrink and outtalk any other band in San Francisco. We submit this as an open challenge.

7. The history: Rube Waddell, trapped in a Chevy van on Donner Pass in January 2001, killed and ate Bay Area musician-composer Mark Growden, wasting no part of his body. From his bones we fashioned crude snowshoes and tennis rackets, from his skin, tepees and cloaks, from his teeth, dice, guitar picks and other trinkets.

8. The truth: Rube Waddell has logged more miles pushing its gear to shows in shopping carts than any other band in North America.

9. The ability: In addition to blowing your mind with tuba-driven, accordion-friendly, steel-guitar-bangin' junkyard folk ditties, Rube Waddell will predict your future and help you design a custom plan for the inevitable apocalypse.

10. The legend: Albert Einstein may have put it best: "The time will come when men will scarce believe that such a band as this, ever in flesh and blood, walked this earth amongst us."

11. The show: Rube Waddell (the band) plays Saturday night at Cafe Du Nord with Vermillion Lies and Agent Ribbons. 9:30 p.m. $12-$15 (21 and older). 2170 Market St., S.F. www.rubewaddell.org.

- Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/24/NSVR105A12.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

reverse psychology

11 Things: Reverse psychology

Thursday, April 17, 2008

1. Versatility / Electricity:

a) Society has advanced beyond all expectations.
b) Work practically gets done by itself.
c) More free time ...
d) And vacationing.

2. Veracity / Eccentricity:

a) Always expect the worst.
b) Never trust anyone.
c) Keep a low profile ...
d) And frown.

3. Voracity / Ferocity:

a) Modesty is for sissies.
b) Humble pie is unhealthy.
c) Pride matters most ...
d) And winning.

4. Atrocity / Complicity:

a) Tear down the house to put up a fence.
b) We can ponder the house again later.
c) Let's just wait ...
d) And see.

5. Fragility / Incapacity:

a) Privatize health care.
b) Spend more on frivolous health care advertising.
c) Frivolous health care advertising makes us all feel healthier ...
d) And happier.

6. Mobility / Capacity:

a) Always increase transit fares.
b) Fewer riders mean more places to sit.
c) If prices were lowered, people might stop driving ...
d) And ride.

7. Audacity / Publicity:

a) Baseball teams play on a level playing field.
b) Everyone's equal and there are no advantages.
c) This benefits the Giants and A's ...
d) And everyone.

8. Authenticity / Rapacity:

a) Money is far more important than anything else.
b) Everyone knows this.
c) It buys happiness ...
d) And love.

9. Civility / Volatility:

a) The media never wants a close race.
b) Trust me.
c) Politics is all about fairness ...
d) And balance.

10. Mendacity / Sagacity:

a) We must always take into consideration those that might not get it.
b) That way, we spell it out.
c) So people won't be confused ...
d) And upset.

11. Perspicacity / Reciprocity:

a) All for now.
b) Hope you're confused.
c) Please write ...
d) And complain.

- Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/16/NSVR1058H8.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

the sneetches

11 Things: The Sneetches

Thursday, April 10, 2008

1. Star-bellied versus Plain-bellied: "Now the Star-bellied Sneetches had bellies with stars. The Plain-bellied Sneetches had none upon thars. The stars weren't so big; they were really quite small. You would think such a thing wouldn't matter at all ..." links.sfgate.com/ZCYW. (See No. 6)

2. Subculture versus culture: Kids getting tattoos and dyeing their hair pink ... to fit in? Didn't these things used to be about separation, individualism and standing out from the crowd? The subculture has become the culture, and the culture has become the subculture and guess what ... everyone's still wearing a uniform. (See No. 7)

3. Indie versus emo: Indie has been swallowed up by the mainstream, which has been swallowed up by indie, and, from what I can tell, emo's become awful(ly emotional about it). (See No. 5)

4. Alternative versus mainstream: The mainstream can't write about the alternative and have the alternative remain alternative. It spoils it by the mere act of mentioning it. Naturally, this means everyone wants to migrate to the alternative, because the alternative can discuss things without ruining them. Thus, the mainstream realizes that there is no alternative and becomes the alternative (and vice versa). (See No. 2)

5. Blogs versus newspapers: Journalists are blogging and bloggers are journalists. Soon, both sides will have consumed the other whole, and then ... (See No. 9)

6. The Mission versus the Marina: Please remind me never to mention either of these neighborhoods again. Thank you. (See No. 10)

7. San Francisco versus New York: The small city with big-city culture and big-city problems seems to envy the complexity of life in the big city. The big city with the big-city culture and big-city problems seems to envy the simplicity of life in the small city. And don't even get me started on double star-bellied Los Angeles. (See No. 11)

8. Sincerity versus insincerity: Sincere insincerity is always better than insincere sincerity, but if everyone is sincerely going to be sincerely insincere, than won't the sincerely sincere people be sincerely wondering why they've been forgotten? (See No. 3)

9. Caring versus not caring: Caring wishes it could stop caring, but is too wrapped up in itself to stop. Not caring wishes it could somehow care again, but is too wrapped up in itself to stop. Earnestness just sits there and becomes increasingly earnest about not giving a damn either way. (See No. 1)

10. Irony versus reality: Many people believe irony is dead because of 9/11. This, of course, in a world where people are killed in order to be saved - because of 9/11. And politeness and ignorance dictate that we simply agree to disagree with one another - because of 9/11. So clearly it's necessary to kill irony in order to save it - because of 9/11. (See No. 4)

11. Obama versus Clinton: Sorry, can't talk right now. Too busy secretly chatting it up with superdelegate Sylvester McMonkey McBean. Apparently, he wants all the voters to run through his machine. (See No. 8)

- Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/10/NSJQ101C7T.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle