studies have shown

11 Things: Studies have shown

Thursday, August 9, 2007

1. People have sex because it feels good

Later studies showed:

We eat because we're hungry.

We sleep because we're tired.

We dress because we need pockets.

2. Gambling is addictive

We're willing to bet the studies are wrong, but first:

Can we borrow some money?

Can we borrow a little more?

OK ... just a little bit more?

3. People want more public services but don't want to pay for them

Follow-up studies confirmed that people also want:

A bigger piece of the pie.

To have their cake and eat it too.

To live the good life.

4. People like to complain about traffic

Further studies revealed that Americans:

Drive large vehicles.

Make oil companies rich.

Don't realize nobody can hear them when they scream inside their cars.

5. Men talk as much as women

Additional studies suggested that:

Men and women disagree with this assessment.

Men and women disagree that they disagree.

Men and women disagree on a good time to discuss this disagreement.

6. Venting of problems can depress girls further

Further studies alluded to the fact that:

Further venting leads to further depression about venting.

Further depression leads to further venting about depression.

It depresses guys further too, but only if they listen.

7. Sex trafficking is spreading HIV

Further studies indicated that STDs:

Are transmitted.

Are transmitted via sex.

Are diseases.

8. A happy workplace leads to more productivity

Too bad:

There's no such thing.

Now stop reading this and ...

Get back to work.

9. There's too much celebrity coverage

Yet:

Celebrity coverage continues to be popular.

Celebrities are covered because they're celebrities.

They're celebrities because they're covered.

10. The word gullibility is not in the dictionary

I checked:

It wasn't.

See?

Exactly.

11. Studies show many things

Further studies:

Verified this.

Contradicted this.

Clearly demonstrated that further studies will be needed.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/08/09/NSL5RDNK8.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle