the french connection

11 THINGS: The French Connection

Thursday, July 12, 2007

1. Bastille Day: "Bastille." It's French for "Why are you stabbing me? I just released you from prison." -Ed Helms

La réponse: Laughter.

2. Parisians: "To err is human. To loaf is Parisian." -Victor Hugo

La réponse: Or Californian.

3. France: "I have tried to lift France out of the mud. But she will return to her errors and vomitings. I cannot prevent the French from being French." -Charles de Gaulle

La réponse: It's OK, Charles. I can't prevent the Americans from being Americans either.

4. French: "In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language." -Mark Twain

La réponse: "Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything."
-Steve Martin

5. Drinking: "Other countries drink to get drunk, and this is accepted by everyone; in France, drunkenness is a consequence, never an intention. A drink is felt as the spinning out of a pleasure, not as the necessary cause of an effect which is sought: wine is not only a philtre, it is also the leisurely act of drinking." -Roland Barthes

La réponse: Snobbishness is a consequence, never an intention.

6. Desire: "The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man." -Madame de Staël

La réponse: The desire of the columnist is for Madame de Staël to visit San Francisco.

7. Money: "France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper." -Billy Wilder

La réponse: Merde alors!

8. Knowledge: "Generally speaking, the people who know little speak a lot and the people who know a lot speak little." -Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

La réponse: Shh.

9. Friendship: "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." -Albert Camus

La réponse: Or at least pay for the bloody cab.

10. Politics: "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." -Voltaire

La réponse: It is dangerous to be adding this one.

11. Existence: "I think; therefore I am." -René Descartes

La réponse: I think I think; therefore I think I am.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/07/12/NSGMGQS1AA1.DTL