i am not tim sullivan

11 THINGS: I Am Not Tim Sullivan

Thursday, October 5, 2006

1. Not a columnist: This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife and I most certainly do not write for the San Diego Union-Tribune. www.signonsandiego.com/sports/sullivan.

2. Not the former president of match.com: Nor have I ever been involved with Ticketmaster. www.sourcewatch.org/index.php?title=Tim_Sullivan.

3. Not a local artist: Although I must admit I do enjoy some of my more recent work. www.timsullivanart.com.

4. Not an actor: Nor did I begin my career pumping fake blood for "Return of the Aliens: The Deadly Spawn." www.imdb.com/name/nm0838374.

5. Not a soap opera character: Although I did play one on TV. www.imdb.com/title/tt0752684.

6. Not a former model yacht commissioner: And please note: I don't want your model yachts. www.sullboat.com.

7. Not a composer: Or a percussionist. But, in theory, I am a theorist. www.timsullivan.info.

8. Not a good hobby source: For Dayton, Ohio. Hell, I'm not even a good hobby source for San Francisco. www.timsullivan.net.

9. Not a former university president: In fact, I have yet to announce my resignation from William & Mary. www.wm.edu/sullivan.

10. Not a comedian: Nor will I eat green eggs and ham. www.comedyoasis.com.

11. Not an inspiration: Can't take any credit for the Tim Sullivan Endowment for Creative Writing, although I'm starting to believe they really might be on to something. www.stetson.edu/english/creative/endowment.html.

John Malkovich, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

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