so bad, they're good

11 THINGS: So Bad, They're Good

Thursday, July 27, 2006

1. Music: Loverboy ("Lovin' Every Minute of It"), Quarterflash ("Harden My Heart"), .38 Special ("Hold On Loosely"), REO Speedwagon ("Can't Fight This Feeling"), Zamfir (pan flute anything) and John Denver (particularly "Sunshine on My Shoulders" -- actually, particularly every single song he ever wrote). Sorry, Mom.

2. Cities: Las Vegas, Reno, Daly City, Colma, Goleta, El Segundo, Fresno, Bakersfield, Pyongyang, and just about every city in northern New Jersey (particularly Hackensack, Hoboken and Newark).

3. Movies: "Barbarella,'' "Showgirls,'' "You Light Up My Life,'' "Foul Play,'' "Seems Like Old Times'' and just about any horror film ever made (particularly "Salem's Lot").

4. Food: Top Ramen, microwavable burritos, Rice-A-Roni, Hamburger Helper, Lunchables and pretty much any and all cheese-related products ever made (particularly Velveeta).

5. Beverages: Mr. Pibb, Jolt, Fresca, Squirt -- and cocktails in a can (particularly Kahlua and Cream).

6. Writers: Anyone who's ever written a self-help book (particularly the person who wrote "I'm OK, You're OK").

7. Politicians: The whole damn lot of them ... no, wait ... they're "so bad, they're bad" (except for the good ones).

8. TV Shows: MXC, although we tend to actually feel this show is so good, it's good. Same goes for "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" (clear unbridled genius!) and just about every game show ever made (particularly "Match Game").

9. Fast food: By definition, any and all fast-food restaurants ever created (particularly Arby's for the sauces and Wienerschnitzel for the shape of the buildings, the menu -- and actually having the name Wienerschnitzel).

10. Automobiles: Station wagons with fake wood paneling ... check that ... station wagons in general ... check that ... fake wood paneling in general, and just about every automobile created in the early 1970s (particularly the Gremlin).

11. Miscellaneous: Eight-track tapes, eight-track tape players, people who still have eight-track tapes, people who still have eight-track tape players, people who have read this far, high-top wrestling shoes, wrestling in general (particularly the Jell-O variety), leotards, pogo sticks, Olympic pingpong champions, Pong, thongs ... and pretty much every generic store-brand version of anything ever made (particularly Waltussin and Wal-phed).

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/07/27/NSGHEK4IRT1.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle