neurotic

11 THINGS: That Make Us Neurotic

Thursday, September 14, 2006

1. Waiting for the bus: After five minutes: It'll be here soon. After 10: It won't be. After 15: Would someone pleeease light a cigarette so the bus shows up?

2. Renting: After five years: Still like renting. Still love S.F. After 10: Renting sucks. Still love S.F. After 15: How does one save? Damn you S.F.!!!!!

3. Crowded trains: After five minutes: (Five people within a foot) At least I can't fall down. After 10: (10 people within a foot) Someone didn't shower today. After 15: (15 people within a foot) Whose hand was that?

4. Conversations: After five minutes: Why is she doing all the talking? After 10: Why am I doing all the talking? After 15: Time for a drink.

5. Drinking: After five minutes: Just one little drink. After 10: Make it a double. After waking up: Swear to God ... I'm never drinking again.

6. Pigeons: After five pigeons are close: Why do they walk like that? After 10: Why is that old woman feeding them? After 15: Nooooo! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

7. E-mail: First five minutes of day: Scroll through 200 e-mails. Next five: Delete 150 of them (with pleasure). Next five: Forward 40 of them (with sigh) and reply to remaining 10 (with RSI).

8. Newspapers: First five pages: Sure, it's bad news, but good news isn't news, is it? Next five: Shouldn't society be doing more? Next five: Hell meets handbasket ... where are the comics?

9. Being neurotic: First: Should I worry? Second: Should I worry that I'm worrying? Third: I'm not going to worry ... which is precisely why I'm worried.

10. Time: Never having enough to complete my entire ...

11. Things Column: Nor enough space.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/09/14/NSGGVL1IOI1.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle