grading spam

11 THINGS: Grading Spam

Thursday, July 20, 2006

1. Hi 96 Hours: Have you been looking for true love in all the wrong places, looking for love in all the wrong faces well if you have stop. we are the latest and greatest singels web site. Thousands of singles just like yourself have come on board. Grade: C. Reason: 96 Hours is already in a monogamous relationship with Datebook (and they misspelled singles).

2. SE1: Nearer to Heaven. "I beg your pardon?" Coolly, I lowered the zipper on my chest, pulled out a flask, took a for food. But now and then, just for a moment, he remembered. Grade: D+. Reason: We don't believe he actually remembered.

3. Fedmarket: Welcome to our series called "Proposal Writing." Grade: D. Reason: We propose that Fedmarket stop spamming us.

4. 5KK: There was a haze over the garage. Every- thing seemed all right, of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by fall out of the boot. "Throw another one, huh?" DOCTOR VALENTINE PILMAN, RECIPIENT OF THE NOBEL PRIZE IN PHYSICS. Grade: B+. Reason: We love the name "Doctor Valentine Pilman."

5. Generic sildenafil citrate: is the active ingredient in the blue sex pill and costs up to 70 percent less. All pills are produced in world-class licensed facilities only. Sincerely, Penelope Gadomski. Grade: C. Reason: We have some serious doubts about the facilities being world-class.

6. OT: His rear end and at the dirt. He could barely hear the muffled moans coming "Well, friends," Redrick announced. "Now we're going to have ourselves broken brick, sprinkled with white dust and highlighted by the blinding." Grade: D. Reason: This was obviously lifted from a Harlequin romance novel.

7. Business proposals: From Nigeria or the Middle East. Grade: F. Reason: Even if we are owed $150,000,000 USD, we no longer believe it's worth the hassle.

8. 2EH: So, I thought. like the other gulls; he really tried, screeching and fighting with the "I'm not Red to you," I said. "Don't try that palsy-walsy stuff on me, disappointed." Grade: B+. Reason: Excellent use of the term "palsy-walsy."

9. Sayuri: (translated from Japanese) I'm waiting for your message as well. Your contact info should have your e-mail and mailing address. I feel you're very busy, but could you make some time (for me)? Grade: A. Reason: Sayuri loves us!

10. Äîñòàâêà: ÑÓØÈ òåë. (495)107-50-39 (áóäíè ñ 11 äî 21) Óæå 3 ãîäà íàñ ðåêîìåíäóþò äðóçüÿì! Grade: D-. Reason: We're seriously afraid to test this phone number.

11. Rages???: Who has humiliated he and put he in rages? Grade: A+. Reason: More Shakespeare than Shakespeare.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/07/20/NSGL6JU0BQ1.DTL

This article appeared on page H - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle