delicate etiquette

11 THINGS: Delicate Etiquette

Thursday, October 19, 2006

1. Elevators: Ladies first, ladies first -- unless the lady is a feminist; then you both exit at exactly the same time and apologize simultaneously.

2. Escalators: For the love of God, please move to the right. Don't you understand that the 1,743 people behind you are attempting to pass you?

3. Meanderthals: If you're walking three to four people wide and three to four people are a foot behind you, this means they'd like to pass you but can't because your group is in the way.

4. Restaurant reservations: People expect to be seated when they arrive (not 20-30 minutes later).

5. Restaurant customers: Arriving late means you have lost your right to your reservation. Do not make excuses or complain. Nobody cares.

6. Telemarketers: It's quite all right to hang up on telemarketers. If it's an automated political telemarketer, it's considered polite to never vote for that candidate or proposition again for the remainder of your time on earth.

7. Cell phones: Talking on your cell phone during a film? Expect that phone to be destroyed before the film ends.

8. Movie theaters: If you insist on showing 10-20 minutes of ads before every film, do not be the least bit surprised when the screen gets pelted with your overpriced candy.

9. Highways: If you are driving the speed limit between San Francisco and Los Angeles, don't even think once about using the fast lane.

10. Airplanes: Seated next to someone with headphones on? This means he's not as interested in your life story as you'd like him to be.

11. Etiquette: It's rude to tell newspaper types they're being rude.

Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

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URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/10/19/NSGTBLNJCM1.DTL