mother's day

11 Things: Mother's Day

Thursday, May 8, 2008

1. Wikipedia: "A mother is a biological and/or social female parent of an offspring. In the case of a mammal such as a human, the biological mother gestates a fertilized ovum, which is called first an embryo, and then a fetus. This gestation occurs in the mother's uterus from conception until the fetus is sufficiently developed to be born. The mother then goes into labor and gives birth. Once the child is born, the mother produces milk in a process called lactation to feed the child; often the mother's breast milk is the child's sole nourishment for the first year or more of the child's life."

Mom: "Wiki ... what?"

2. Aristotle: "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own."

Mom: "We adopted you, so we both know you're ours ... or not. OK, next one ..."

3. Pink Floyd: "Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls?"

Mom: "Yes."

4. "Blade Runner": Holden: "Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about ... your mother."

Leon: "My mother?"

Holden: "Yeah."

Leon: "Let me tell you about my mother ..."

Mom: "Damn replicants."

5. James Joyce: "Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not."

Mom: "Are you sure you want to use a quote with the word 'dunghill' in it?"

6. Oscar Wilde: "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

Mom: "It would be tragic if you mentioned this to your sister."

7. Homer Simpson: "You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

Mom: "Hmm ..."

8. Toni Morrison: "Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? In my heart it don't mean a thing."

Mom: "Precisely why I keep sending you socks and underwear."

9. The Who: "I went back to my mother/ I said, 'I'm crazy, ma, help me ...' "

Mom: "She said, 'I know how it feels, son/ 'Cause it runs in the family.'"

10. Oliver Wendell Holmes: "Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all."

Mom: "My secret hope is that you'll make your bed someday."

11. Yours truly: "Happy Mother's Day, Mom!"

Mom: "Thanks, Tim! ... Who is this for, again?"

- Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/05/08/NS3F10FRAU.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 2 of the San Francisco Chronicle