Thursday, October 16, 2008

guilt by association

11 Things: Guilt by association

Thursday, October 16, 2008

1. Politics: The Weather Underground's name came from a Bob Dylan song. I listened to Dylan recently. I'm also frequently homesick and often have the blues, so obviously ...

I'm guilty!

2. Environment: I went across the street and bought a sandwich. They began putting it in a plastic bag. I said I don't need a plastic bag. They insisted I take the plastic bag. I fought. They fought. And guess what?

They wrapped my sandwich in guilty.

3. Time: I like to think I have free time, but I don't. Most of it's been taken away (or totally ruined by Facebook). I enjoyed the time when I had it, but I no longer have the time to retrieve it. In fact, if I did ...

I would tell you that I'm guilty.

4. Media: It's true. Newspapers still exist. So when someone at a newspaper writes something disagreeable, you should remember that it's my fault and send an e-mail ...

To remind me that I'm guilty!

5. Honesty: I was brutally honest once. I said what I thought, said some more and just kept going. Not sure exactly what came over me, but obviously I was someone ...

And someone was guilty!

6. Sex: The plane had taken off and I was settling in for a long flight when I happened to catch a glimpse of the magazine in the lap of the guy next to me. He was looking at porn! My God, I thought, who reads porn on a plane? That guy! I looked up just in time to hear the flight attendant ask me if ...

I'd like some pretzels with my guilty!

7. Music: Cuts like a knife, but it feels so right. If I had to name 11 bad rock stars, Bryan Adams would consistently hover right near the top. Not only was he 9 years old during the summer of '69, he decided to call his 11th album "11." The math clearly says ...

11 times guilty!

8. Food: Restaurants hang take-out menus on my door. Nobody takes 'em. They fall. People use them to clean up after their dogs, then leave 'em. So one day I come out just in time to hear a stranger ask me why I'm standing there in a pile of filthy menus. I look down and notice ...

A menu for a restaurant called Guilty!

9. Home: I grew up in Connecticut. Most of Fairfield County is my fault. Same goes for the Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods casinos. The indecisive senator? Decidedly my fault. The other senator speaking at my high school graduation? Utterly inexplicable ...

Which explains why I'm guilty!

10. Education: Once upon a time, I went to UC Santa Barbara. Once upon a time, Sean Hannity worked at KCSB. These once upon a times? Around the same exact time. Come on! You know the refrain. Sing it with me!

Guilty guilty guilty!

11. Life: I used to love the Flaming Lips song "Do You Realize??" I listened to the lyrics. I appreciated them. I understood them. Perhaps a little too well. And then one day I realized I had stopped listening. So whether you love the song or hate the song it's about time I apologize ...

For being so guilty!

- Tim Sullivan, tsullivan@sfchronicle.com

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/16/NSD213G6NO.DTL

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

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